The Masks We Wear

Wear What masks do you wear? When do you wear one? Are you aware that you wear a mask?

We all wear masks at some point in our lives. We mask our vulnerabilities; our insecurities; our anger and rage; and we mask our tender hearts.

Life is a wild ride of adventures, opportunities, experiences, and relationships – all without guarantees of specific outcomes – that push many of us to our physical, psychological and emotional edges.

On the journey into the unknown, we are invited to show up as we are but sometimes, we get shoved and pushed to work through our fears, hopes, dreams and insecurities. In this dance, many times we don masks to fit in – to not be seen exactly as we are in that moment.

As children we are dependent upon our parents, siblings, caregivers to meet our basic needs of survival. Our needs as humans, include connection, belonging, feeling loved and having our love accepted. As dependent children, we learn very quickly how to get attention, acceptance and love. We develop a negative love syndrome wherein we become what we think others want and need in order to get their love. And it begins, we wear the masks to survive. Many of us learn how to play the game and we unconsciously carry that skill into our lives and relationships as we grow. We don’t want to be rejected and so we adapt. We wear our masks.

For many, our entire lives condition us to continue to ‘play along’ and fit in to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. We learn how to become what is expected of us. If we don’t fit into that box, we wear our mask to make it work. We adapt and get more and more refined as we mature. We morph as our understanding of what is expected of us improves. We get better at hiding behind the mask.

While this allows us to survive and even thrive, it also teaches us that ‘who we really are’ isn’t worthy of love or acceptance. If we always have to be vigilant and know which mask to wear, our True Essence gets lost, even buried & we forget. This creates dissonance within us and possibly many issues down the road in our beliefs, perceptions about ourselves and our self confidence.

I remember when I began teaching Yoga. I thought I had to have all the answers. I was terrified that someone would ask me something I didn’t know. To cover that fear, I taught classes anatomically – I figured the body was a safe, structured theme and I could hide my lack of knowledge easily. As I matured, I realized, ‘no one can know everything & as long as I admitted I didn’t know, I would continue to learn, explore and inspire students to dive in themselves. What a gift that was. I could drop the mask and begin teaching about life and living through the body.

I love the work of Brene Brown and she said, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” (The Gifts of Imperfection).

At some point, somewhere along the line, hopefully, we stop and lean into our Truth. Perhaps a teacher, a friend, a loved one, a book, something triggers us to open ourselves fully to the process of life and living & being ourselves unapologetically. We begin to unlearn the patterns and let go of the masks as we reach the incredible state of self acceptance and love. We find ways to express our Truth from the wholeness of our being. We accept our perfectly imperfect selves and know that is enough. It’s enlightening (& for me, it’s still a process that I weave in and out of daily). Such is the journey of unmasking.

So, in what situations do you wear a mask? Does it serve you? Does it save you?

No judgements here, just an open inquiry into who you are – who you really are. Find friends and people where you can let the mask fall and know you will be loved and accepted exactly as you show up – no mask required.

Remember, there is nothing for you to earn, you already Belong!